Asorable
by Mandy Smirkke
Summary: One spur of the moment camping trip turns into some wacked up randomness as Kingdom Hearts spirals into insanity. Okay so it's just another random KH fic XD Episode Ten: The season finale of Asorable!
1. Episode One: Camping

Asorable

So. This is just my little intro before you get reading. I write this when I feel random. So if you like random junk and stuff, please continue. If not, oh well. This is my first try and something like this, so hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Invader Zim, Lucky Charms, Final Fantasy, Fairly Oddparents, the RuneScape wilderness, or anything else I may mention.. Unless stated. Enjoy.

Episode One- Camping

"Hey, I've got an idea!" BHK shouted, "Let's go camping!"

"Camping?" Sora asked doubtfully.

"w00t! Camping!" Riku said. Everyone eyed him strangely.

"It's decided," the BHK, who still doesn't have a name, confirmed, "Let us, with our impossibly spiked hair, go pack!"

"What about me?" Riku asked, "My hair isn't impossibly spiked."

"... You just get everything else," Sora said after a silence.

"'Kay," Riku replied and skipped off like a giddy, little girl.

Within no time, the trio had gathered many supplies. With all of these adventures that hadn't started yet, Sora felt like he was in a Harry Potter book, and he was Ron. That blonde haired kid was Harry, and Riku was Hermione. Sora sighed dreamily, surprising even himself.

Another large object was thrown on top of the pile in Riku's hands, "Uh.. BHK, shouldn't we give you a name?"

"Now is not the time!" BHK boomed, sounding very much like Invader Zim, who is not a Disney character in any manner whatsoever.

"Okay, well, dude, how are we supposed to carry all of this crap to the campsite?"

"Well.." the blonde boy paused, "We could just let Sora figure all of that out."

"Sounds like a plan," Riku said, dropping all of the stuff onto the floor, producing a loud crash, "Hey weren't you and Sora supposed to pack together?"

."..."

Riku blinked.

"I guess we were." There was a prolonged silence.

"Say, who wants crackers?" Sora asked, stepping into the room.

"You know, Sora, crackers can be quite a burden," BHK slyly stated, "How would you like it if Riku and I carried the crackers? And you could.. just take all of the supplies. I'm sure it would be a fair trade."

"Sounds like a plan!" Sora said, fully trusting Harry--er, I mean BHK. Sora picked up the pile of crap and started out the door, which, unfortunately for our "hero," was closed. Sora walked smack-dab into the door, all of the supplies flying out of his hands, because as we all know, all of their stuff somehow possessed the ability to fly!

Riku opened the door and all of the stuff when flying back into Sora's arms. The BHK boldly strode out, holding some crackers in his hands. Riku followed in the same manner. Sora staggered out, struggling with the gigantic, humongous pile of useless st00f.

"Ah! The great outdoors!" BHK exclaimed.

"What are you talking about?" Riku sneered, "This is your back yard."

"I know, I just wanted to sound dramatic."

"Well you sounded like a girl."

"Look who's talking, girly hair."

"At least I don't wear jewelry."

"For your information, it's a wristband!"

All the while, Sora was struggling to stay standing as the BHK and Riku argued until the sun kissed the horizon.

"Uh, guys. It's getting dark.. Maybe we should.. Set up camp."

"Oh, it's already set up," BHK replied.

"What! Then why am I carrying all this stuff!" Sora retorted.

"Well it's the extra supplies, silly Sora.. you brought the Lucky Charms right?"

"Yes," Sora groaned impatiently.

"Are they chocolate?" BHK continued.

"Of course they're chocolate.. You mean there's non-chocolate?"

"You heard nothing!" Riku shouted into the sky and absconded into the woods with the box of Lucky Charms. The other two ran after him to the campsite that was completely set up.

"Hey! It looks as if we didn't need all that junk anyway," the blonde antagonist grinned as Sora dropped all of the heavy things onto his large, yellow shoes. Fortunately, the clownliness of his shoes protected his feet and he was uninjured.

"Bless me little, hobbit feet, Mr. Frodo!" a strange voice said.

"It's Samwise Baggins!" Sora exclaimed merrily.

"You mean they're finally together?" Riku looked up, leaning against a tree with his hair wafting in the wind. The wind did this for Riku only at the present time. Otherwise, there was no wind.

"How can I get my hair to do that?" the BHK asked.

"You can't. You haven't attained the level of sexiness that I have."

"Dude, you mean the level of creepiness?"

"That's what I said isn't it?" Riku said, obviously not paying attention to the question at hand.

"I thought Kingdom Hearts was a compilation of original characters, Final Fantasy characters, and Disney Characters. Where do you all see Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter?" Sora suddenly pondered aloud.

"Harry Potter?" Riku raised a brow, "Where did you get that lemur on crack logic?"

Sora pulled out a pen and turned a dial. He then pulled on some elite sunglasses shaped like Mickey Mouse heads and clicked the pen. There was a long silence and many looks of confusion.

"Mr. Sora, sir, I don't think those flashy pens have been invented yet," Samwise tried to convince him, "Would you like some potato soup?"

A large "WTF?" hung over everyone but Sam's head.

Sora explained his logic and soon everyone was even more confused than before. In fact, Sora had confused himself.

"Well why don't we get some sleep?" BHK said.

"Sounds like a plan!" everyone else said.

Sometime later... somewhere between 30 minutes and 30 hours...

"Wow! That was a great camping trip!" Riku exclaimed, munching on a cracker.

"But Riku, we haven't left the camping site.. In fact, we haven't even gone to bed yet, because you insisted we all take showers and brush our teeth before we went to bed so you wouldn't smell like a squirrel smoking a stick of dung."

"Why do you talk in such long sentences? Just because I have brawn, brains, and good looks doesn't mean I can comprehend a run-on sentence."

"Thatwasn'tarunonsentencethisisbecauseI'mnotgoingtotakeabreathsoyouwon'tnknowhenitstopsosthereyoubigstupidhead," Sora inhaled deeply, returning his face to the normal peach color, instead of purple from lack of oxygen.

There was a long silence before Riku's head exploded.


	2. Episode Two: Naming the BHK

A/N: w00t. Thanks for the review, Sunny I was going to wait until I got some feedback on the story. So since you liked, it, this chapter's for you. So without further ado, I present to you, Episode Two of Asorable.

* * *

Episode Two- Naming the BHK 

Sora, the BHK, Samwise and Frodo Baggins, and a leprechaun stood in the forest, looking at what was left of Riku's head. It took approximately 2.348679189083 minutes before Riku's body collapsed. Cloud frolicked by and dropped a Phoenix down on Riku's bloody, and slightly enflamed, body. Almost instantly Riku sprung out of his metaphoric coffin and a light shone down on him from above. Birds chirruped happily and there was a luminescence emitting fromhis body. He flashed a white smile, who's shining gleam blinded the poor leprechaun. The leprechaun dropped dead on the spot from Riku's gorgeous smile. Three quarters of this paragraph boosted Riku's ego even further through the atmosphere.

"Let us conquer our next dilemma!" Sora shouted heroically as wind brushed through his hair, "Cool! I got my hair to do that!" Riku frowned at Sora's comment and muttered something about he, Riku, being the only one able to do that.

"So what IS our next 'dilemma'?" the BHK asked in a bored tone as he sat on a log.

"You," Sora said, pointing a seemingly accusing finger at the BHK, who gaped during the long pause after Sora's statement, "need a name." The BHK gave a relieved sigh.

"Leonardo!" Riku shouted, receiving many strange looks.

"Michelangelo!" Frodo suggested.

"Raphael!" Sam joined in.

"I'm not a freaking mutant, ninja turtle! .. Or an artist from the Italian Renaissance!" BHK exclaimed, standing up. A large sweat drop rolled down everyone's forehead.

"Bob?" Sora suggested simply.

"Too generic," Riku said, waving a hand.

"Aragorn?" Frodo pondered aloud.

"Copyright infringement," Sam pointed out as Frodo nodded.

"Harry Potter!" Sora suddenly interjected.

There was a loooong, awkward silence.

"Harry Potter?" the unnamed raised a brow at Sora, "As if you can talk."

"What?" Sora said, confounded.

"You're just as hairy as me, if not hairier!" Raphael stated, throwing his hands in the hair--er, air.

"Why was his name just Rapael?" Samwise asked before a ninja turtle came out of nowhere and sliced him with a katana. Sam disappeared in a puff of smoke and Frodo sobbed.

"What! I am not!" Sora replied, quite immaturely if I may say so myself.

"Duuuh," BHK continued, "Everyone knows that people with dark hair have more hair than people with light hair. I'll prove it," he whipped out a microscope and a detective outfit, which looked rather stylish on him.

The unnamed blonde zoomed in onto Sora's leg. He turned the coarse adjustment knob to bring the scope closer. He finely tuned the microscope and upon further examination found a light brown hair, almost microscopic on even a microscope, just barely poking out of Sora's skin.

"Nooooooooooo!" Sora cried into the sky.

"I told you," the blonde said as his hairless legs gleamed in the sunlight.

"So I have one TINY hair," Sora said, now having a rather large, spiky beard, "big deal."

"If only I could have a beard like that," Frodo pensively said, a crestfallen look upon his silly, hobbit face.

"What about Johnny?" Sora said with acute, animelook on his face, "That's such a cute name."

The BHK inched away from Sora.

"How 'bout Geoff?" Riku said.

"Reminds me of that giraffe freak from that toy store," the BHK shuddered.

"I've got it!" Frodo exclaimed, "How about Sephiroth.. Oooh that's such a hot name."

"Yeah, we're getting rid of you," Sora narrowed his eyes and pressed a shiny, red button. Frodo fell through a random hole in the ground where a spider probably ate him. But no one really cares right now, and no one seemed to notice that Sora's beard miraculously disappeared.

"Well, you know what they say," Riku started, "When all else fails, turn to television."

"Dude, Timmy Turner said that. You're totally messing up the fic by doing this. Don't you know that if we keep mentioning characters that aren't in Kingdom Hearts, people are gonna think we're losers! They'll think we're those nerds who spend all day sitting in front of a TV playing video games and watching Disney movies!" Sora burst out, grabbing a hold of Riku's collar and shaking him.

"Well.. What I meant to say was.. When all else fails.. turn to...the Baby Names Website!"

"That's a great idea!" Sora said, snapping his fingers.

"Hey, Sora, did you bring that computer and dial up connection I gave to you?" BHK, still unnamed, asked.

"Heck no.." Sora replied merrily as BHK's and Riku's jaws dropped.

"Well I brought the computer anyway, but dial-up sucks," Sora looked at their faces, "I brought DSL, don't worry about it."

Riku plopped down in front of the computer screen and typed in the website, "Let's try something that starts with B just because we call him 'BHK.'"

He clicked on the B section, using the awesome, Mickey-Mouse shaped mouse pointer thing.

"This is taking too long," BHK whined impatiently and pushed Riku away from the computer. He typed "blond" in the search engine. The BHK pointed at the first name on the screen, "Blake! Pale blond one, or dark. Awesome! That is so me! And it has B and K in it!"

"But not an H," Riku said pressing on the liquid crystal display.

"The H is implied," Blake replied simply, "So it's settled. Since the writer already put my name in.. but Raphael was cool too.. and it had an H in it... Hmm..."

"Blake Raphael!" Sora shouted, thinking he was very clever.

"That was so lame, Sora," Riku said.

"Your face is lame."

So after much discussion, and many random acts and talks about characters from other cartoons, the gang decided on a name for the BHK. His name from this day until his real name is revealed (in this fic anyway) shall be known as Blake Raphael. But since that sounds kind of queer, he'll simply be called Blake. They all then danced while doing karaoke and ate a lot of crackers.


	3. Ep3: Attack Thy Evil Fiend with Karaoke

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me. Neither does the song "Hikari." Or Harry Potter. Or Bingo.. Or the Order of Cabbage This chapter is for you guys.

* * *

Episode Three- Attack Thy Evil Fiend with Karaoke

"Shizukaniiii..." Blake sang terribly off key.

Sora snatched the microphone from him, "You imbecile. You told me that you could sing!"

"I said I could sing. I did NOT say I could sing well. Big difference."

Sora glared at him and proceeded to finish the song, "DeguchiniiIiiiIIII," his voice cracked, "Darn it! Stupid little-kid voice!"

In a burst of light Riku gracefully took the microphone from Sora," ..tatte. Kurayami.. ni. Hikari wo.. ute," he sang in perfect key. Blake and Sora stared at him in bewilderment.

"What?" Riku asked as if he had just written his own name, "Can't everyone sing like that?" he smiled, blinding and killing a chipmunk.

"Well, I'm getting tired of karaoke anyway," Sora said, his voice cracking several times.

A heartless appeared out of the ground and Sora shrieked and fainted. Riku smashed an empty glass bottle on its head, breaking instantly. The heartless merely glared at him, "Gah! It worked in the movie!"

Heroic music played as Blake jumped into the air and slashed down at the heartless. Upon contact of the heartless and the keyblade, his keyblade shattered into a kajillionzillion pieces, which the heartless ate. Kairi appeared in a puff of smoke and threw a fluffy pillow at it, and it disappeared yay. Blake was sobbing uncontrollably in a corner.

Riku patted Blake on the shoulder, "There, there. Hermione is here to help!"

J.K. Rowling suddenly appears yelling swear words and curses at Riku and then stabs him with a wand for copyright infringement.

"Told you," Sora said, miraculously recovering.

"No you didn't," Riku responded with a wand sticking out of his back, "Sam told that to Frodo.. And you're the one that's been copyright infringing everything in the first place!"

"Then how come you're the one that got stabbed?"

"Good girls are only bad girls that don't get caught," Riku said smugly, folding his arms.

"Are you implying that I'm a girl?"

"No, I read it on a t-shirt once."

"Oh, okay then."

Axel appears amidst them, "For some reason I thought this was Bingo.. Sorry," he says and disappears.

"B-I-NGO!" Blake sings.

"And Bingo was his name-o!" Sora joins in, duetting with Blake.

"What's up with the crossovers!" Riku sang? WTF? Suddenly they were all onstage in Shakespearian attire.

Sora started to sing, "Bingo is not a crrrossover!"

"What would you know?" Blake sang as the opera started to gain momentum, "What would you know about crossovers?"

"I should know," Sora sang, "Because I am IN. ONE."

"Oh.." Blake just said, "I forgot."

The audience disappeared (yes, there was one) and the stage disappeared. They popped back into the woods, still wearing Shakespearian attire.

"How am I supposed to explain THIS to Kairi?" Riku asked, walking out from behind a tree in a maiden's gown.

"Just say you felt like bringing out your inner being," Sora said, suddenly dressed like Buddha.

"Owned!" a random person dressed in black robes and a chef's hat yelled from behind a tree.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Riku said, glaring at 'Buddha.'

"It means what it means."

"You wanna make something of it, Gandhi!" Riku demanded.

"Bring it on!" Sora ripped off his Buddhist outfit to reveal the Shakespearian one. He groaned and ripped that one off, showing a frilly pink dress. Someone whistled in the background. Sora continuously ripped off his outfits, trying to pull the whole superhero stance.

Riku chortled at his unpreparedness (yes, I am just making up words as I go along). Riku then attempted to pull off his outfit to reveal his heroic attire. Unfortunately, he forgot to wear his superhero attire. So when Riku ripped off his clothing, all that could be seen was a huge "CENSORED" sign.

Blake laughed at them both and fetched a white sheet from one of the tents. He threw it around his neck and said, "Go forth, good-doers! Let us not be plagued by these altercations!" The wind blew through Blake's hair as his cape waved elegantly, standing for justice. Light emanated from him as a theme song played.

"No!" Riku shouted, somehow acquiring clothes in the process, "I'm losing my egotistical glow!" Riku's hair started to turn a darker, less hot, un-anime color. But then his eyes turned brown and everyone thought he was a drop-dead, sexy beast. Except for the author, because she is not a huge fan of brown eyes. Fan girls flocked around Riku as he began to sign autographs as, "Brown-Eyed Riku." He winked after signing one girl's photo and four of them fainted.

The entire process took quite a long time, and Sora was still trying to find either a superhero outfit, or his regular one.. Whichever came first. Finally, after Riku finished signing autographs, Sora, exasperated, ripped off the last outfit to reveal his Halloween Town costume.

"Eh, close enough," Sora said, as he adjusted the pumpkin on his spiky hair.

"I feel rejuvenated!" Riku shouted, "Hurray for spell check!"

"Yeah, no one cares about your randomness. It's flipping 10 o' clock at night," Sora said.

"I thought it was the morning," Blake said.

"How should we know? Fanfics don't keep track of time," Riku said, still brunette.

"Where's Kairi?" Sora said.

"Kairi sucks! Naminé owns!" Riku jumped high into the air and got stuck in a cloud.

Naminé suddenly appeared and started to sing in Spanish because Spanish owns all. Then Mandy Smirkke showed up and told everyone to go to bed because they were keeping her up. Then she went into Chalk Zone and fell asleep and the chapter was ended... zzzZZZzz...

* * *

Okay so yeah.. Randomness. This is basically where all of the KH junk in my head gets sorted out and plopped onto paper into random silliness. Beware. Preview of Next Episode: Ebil Email 


	4. Episode Four: Ebil Email

Chapter Four- Ebil Email

Riku awoke earlier than the others and jumped onto the computer instantly. The first thing Riku always did when he woke up was check his email. If he didn't check it everyday the box would be clogged up with fanmail.. And he wouldn't be able to receive anything that was actually important. Riku was quite talented at personalizing responses to each individual fan. He cracked his knuckles and opened the first letter.

_Dear Riku,_

_You are the best Kingdom Hearts character ever!11!11!1shift+1!eleven!oneone!111 You totally pwn and I want to marry you. You shouldn't like Kairi, she's a whiney bitch. I love you forever._

_Lovingly,_

_Samantha_

Riku sighed at another generic fan letter.

_Dear Samantha,_

_I'm glad you took the time to mail me. I'm glad you didn't mail Sora because no one likes him except for that weird Mandy Smirkke girl who I hear writes about us a lot. Sora wouldn't personally respond to you like I would because he is a selfish jerk. Kairi may be a whiney bitch sometimes, but she's practically the only decent girl on the island. Since Selphie is kind of hyperactive and stupid, I've decided that she shouldn't belong in the game. When I said that, they decided that I should turn evil, so that's why that happened. But then I met Naminé and she owns. I'm sure no one wants to read this letter except you. What am I saying? Everyone wants to hear what I have to say, because I'm a hot, egotistical, anime character. Love to you for being a fan of myself._

_-His Hawtness, Riku._

Riku spell-checked the response with no errors, because Riku is perfect, then sent it. He deleted the fan message and moved onto the next email.

_Got a heartless problem? Well we can help that with our heartless repelling--_

"Aaaah!" Riku shouted, disturbing someone in a camp nearby. He got a whack on the head before continuing, "Prepare to be deleted, spam!" he said as the setting changed to show Riku in the cockpit of a shuttle. In a videogame-like manner, spam started to appear in the space in front of him. He pressed buttons, shooting missiles at the spam, "Die!"He swerved through the galaxy eliminating every useless email until he came to one that said, "BHK's Name Revealed!"

"So he does have a name," Riku said, raising a brow. He plopped back onto the chair in front of his computer and was about to click on the email when he realized that there were four more of them.

_After the long wait, the mysterious blonde-haired kid's name has been revealed!_

Riku heard a drum roll on his computer.

_Okay so it's only a rumor, but his name is Roxas._

Riku chortled to himself and opened the next three. All of which said that the BHK's name was Saxor, Nechi, or Siru.

"When will people learn that Siru is a Sora/Riku pairing on fanfiction?" Riku said as he clicked on the last email which said:

_Riku! You idiot! It's Roxas._

"Well that helps narrow it down."

Blake woke up, "Hey, Riku, can I use the computer?"

"Well, well, well. Look who it is," Riku started as he smirked, "It's Roxas!"

"How did you find out my name!" the newly proclaimed, Roxas exclaimed as his jaw dropped.

"I have my sources..."

Sora walked into the computer tent, "Hey guys, what's going on?"

"Blake has a girl's name!" Riku said as he started giggling insanely.

"No I don't!" Roxas argued.

"Blake's a guy's name, Riku," Sora said, raising a brow.

Between laughs Riku was able to say, "No, no, no. His name is Roxas." Sora began laughing with Riku as Roxas frowned.

"It is not!" Roxas protested further.

"It sounds almost like the name Roxanne!" Riku said.

"That's because you're saying it wrong! The o is long. Duuuh," Roxas pouted, "Anyway, Sora has a girl's name too!"

Sora stopped laughing, "What? No I don't!"

"Yeah you do. It's a Native American name meaning 'songbird.' And it's a girl's name!" Roxas joined Riku in laughter.. Though not for the same reason.

Sora started to cry.

Naminé threw a sketch pad at him, "You're messing up the pose, songbird! It's all wrong!"

"My name means 'sky' in Japanese! Sky! Got it! Are you that daft!" Sora shouted at them.

"Are you daft enough to use the word 'daft' in a sentence slash question?" Riku asked.

"Er.. Well... You said daft!" Sora says and runs off into the woods.

The group glances at each other. Roxas' hand slowly raises, clothed by a Sora sock-puppet. Riku and Naminé look down at the Sora puppet, who's hair and shoes were nothing compared to the actual Sora.

"Hello," Roxas said out of the corner of his mouth, trying to pretend the puppet was actually Sora, "I'm Sora. I have a girl's name, but I was chosen to be the keyblade master. But Roxas came along and was so drop-dead gorgeous that I was soon forced out of the role of--"

"Hey!" Riku interrupted, "I'm more drop-dead gorgeous than you!"

"Occupy yourself, Narcissus," Roxas said, as the Sora puppet handed Riku a mirror.

"Oh, my," Riku said, taking the mirror, "Look at those gorgeous eyes."

"Now that Sora is gone and Riku has... become distracted, I shall steal Kairi for myself!" At that moment, Roxas let out a maniacal laugh. So none of this was actually random? Was it all just a diabolical plot?WTF! Where's the fudge!

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Frodo had emerged from the spider hole, "You thought that spider would get me, but you forgot about Sam!"

"Didn't we kill him?" Sora asked.

"How should I know? That wasn't in this chapter--Hey!" Roxas' head snapped towards Sora, "How did you--? When did you--? Didn't you--? What?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I have wicked awesome invisibility-teleportation-sneaky-powers."

Roxas blinked and snatched a shiny, red button off of Sora's clothes. He pressed it and Sora fell into a seemingly random hole in the ground.

"Now where were we?" Roxas asked Frodo.

"Well, I was about to tell you that since Sam has been cut from the show and or fic. I'm going to try and steal Kairi," Frodo picked up.

"Dude! How many people want that chick! Can't you go after Yuffie or someone?" Riku asked, still looking at himself in the mirror. He flashed a smile at himself, the light from his teeth reflecting off of the mirror into his "gorgeous eyes."

"Ah, my eyes!" Riku fell over, blinded by his own power.

What will happen next? Will Frodo triumph over three teenage boys and claim Kairi as his own? Or will he go for the suggested Yuffie, the awesome ninja that everyone absolutely adores? Will Sam come back onto the show? Will Riku's eyes be damaged forever? And can Sora's outfit stay on now that one vital button is missing? Will I stop asking stupid questions? Of course I will! Stay tuned for the next episode of Asorable!


	5. Ep5: Attack Thy Evil Fiend with Langauge

A/N: So I have realized that some aspects of my writing are similar to other random fics I've read. So I am sorry about some similarities! And I hope you can take it as a compliment instead of an insult and find it in your hearts to forgive me. .. If not, then you won't get any of Yuffie's muffins.  
Ze Disclaimer: How cliché! I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, LOTR, Lucky Charms, Crackers, Potatoes, Leprechauns, the randomChinese girl,or any 100 dollar bills.

Episode Five: Attack Thy Evil Fiend With Languages

"Yay, Yuffie!" a random, Chinese girl yelled from the audience. Sora threw one of his banana-like shoes at her.

"Now where were we?" Sora asked as he climbed out of the hole.

"Oh my gosh, you flipping line stealer!" Roxas pointed an accusing finger at Sora, who was trying to keep his clothes on.

"Gr, Roxas, you suck," he snatched the button from the hawt blonde's hand and pinned it back onto his outfit. Sora gleamed like a super-hero once more then tackled Roxas, shouting a corny battle-cry that I don't dare type.

"Eat potatoes!" Sam cried as he fell out of the sky on top of Sora.

"I kill you, bitch!" Riku yelled into the fray as he stumbled around blindly.

A little, green leprechaun, who I will call Mattie, appeared, but he was a ghost, so Frodo peed his pantsies (yes, I said pantsies). Not watching where he was going, the impaired Riku stepped onto the leprechaun and a rainbow flew in his eyes. The leprechaun was dead... again.. But Riku could see with lovely aqua eyes, and all was well.

"When all else fails," he said, "turn to music!" he whipped out a guitar and music, making sure not to switch tenses as he and Roxas had done before.

"B-I-NGO!" Roxas sang, wrestling the potato-covered Sora.

"And on this farm there was a cow who says 'moo-moo,'" Riku continued.

"E-I-E-I-O!" Sam yodeled from a tree.

"And on this farm there was a dog," Riku began.

"El perro diga 'gua-gua'!" Sora's eyes widened and he covered his mouth.

Roxas stopped his attempt to kill him, "Fut the wuck?"

"¡Ah!.. ¿Qué el infierno?" Sora said in Spanish.

"Make it stop, he's confusing me!" Riku screamed as he covered his ears.

"¡No puedo parar el hablar en español!" Sora said, waving his arms frantically.

The group exchanged confused looks.

"¡Porqué no sabes lo que estoy diciendo!" Sora persisted.

Frodo laughed at him and started speaking in Latin.

"Maybe he's saying, 'dress me up like a little girl and pick flowers with me. Then show me to everyone in town so they can see what a big idiot I am.' It's worth a shot," Roxas guessed.

"Idiota!" Sora shrieked, "No puedo hablar inglés o japonés."

"Knock it off," Riku whacked him on the head, "You're scaring the audience."

"Baka!" Sora yelled at Riku.

"Holy fudge and crackers, he's speaking Japanese."

"Wait, wait, wait," Roxas grinned, "Let me try." Roxas smacked him on the head, "let's see what language he speaks now."

"Stoppen Sie, das zu tun!" Sora shouted in German.

"Sweet!" Roxas exclaimed like a snake dislodging its jaw to swallow a mouse whole.

Riku walked over and hit Sora on the head too.

"Ow! Ce maux!" he said in French.

Sam hit him on the head with a potato.

"Ik ga u doden!" Sora threatened in Dutch.

"What did he say?" Roxas asked.

"Something about his fish having to go?" Riku shrugged.

"Go where?" Frodo asked, "A concert?"

"Sounds good to me!" Yuffie cheered.

"If anyone hasn't noticed," Roxas said, "We're in the middle of woods with no money, we don't know what time it is, we don't know when or where a concert is going to be, and I doubt all of us can decide on a movie."

"We're going to a concert," Riku corrected.

"Are you sure?" Roxas asked.

"Read the flipping script," Riku replied, hitting Roxas on the head with a rolled-up script.

"We have a script?" Sora said, "I thought this was freehand."

"Can you guys stop switching from one thing to another?" the potato-man asked, "You're hurting me wee, little brain."

"Yeah, Sora," Riku said in an as-a-matter-of-factly tone, "freehand is drawing. Duh. Even Naminé knows that, and she's a stupid blonde."

Riku was hit in the head with a sketch book, "I mean an awesome blonde who would know what she's doing because she's the best artist in the world!" He grinned nervously.

"I know!" Yuffie shouted, "Let's see Squiffie!"

"That's not even a real band..." Frodo said, glaring at her.

"Well I wanna play a guitar anyway!" Yuffie screamed as she smashed a random guitar on his head.

"That's a Leon Yuffie pairing, and you know it, bitch!" a Chinese girl screamed at Yuffie, "But you're my idol!"

"Get out of the fic, Veritate!" Frodo said to the girl that had called him ugly.

"Up yours, Baggins!" she shrieked and stole Roxas' Lucky Charms.

"Nooooooooo!" Roxas yelled as she ran off into the forest.

"What did I steal now?" Yuffie asked innocently.

"The band Squiffie?" Sora said, ignoring the sobbing blonde.

"Chyeah right," Yuffie rolled her eyes.

"We're gonna get sued, man," Sora said, looking at his feet, "What happened to my other shoe?"

"You threw it at that Chinese girl," Riku replied.

"Oh yeah... Well I want it back, damn it."

As if a sign from Guthix (omg, RuneScape crossover!), Sora's large, banana shoe fell on his head, knocking his spiky-head out.

"Sora made a boom-boom," Yuffie looked down at the unconscious boy.

"Wanna go to Vegas?" Riku asked her.

"No, I wanna go to Egypt."

"Sounds like a plan."

The two then ran off with some supplies and prepared to board a plane to Egypt.

"Hey, Riku?" Yuffie said.

"What?" he asked, packing stuff.

"We don't have any money."

"Oh right," the silver-haired hottie--I mean--teenager thought for a moment, "Sora has money."

"Good idea!" Yuffie whipped out a baseball bat and smashed a pink piggy.

"Yuffie, that's a real pig."

"Why isn't any money coming out!" she yelled as she beat the piggy to a bloody pulp. Poor piggy. Rest his soul.

Riku found a mouse-shaped "mousy-bank."

"Hey Yuffie! I have a special job for you!"

"Gimme some muffins!" she shrieked as she ran over. Riku smashed the bank on her head.

"w00t! Cash!" he said, picking up the money from the ground. Yuffie picked a Benjamin out of her ebony hair.

"Oh, Benjamin... You sexy beast," she stroked the bill.

"Why does Sora have American money?" Riku asked the ninja.

"Because the author doesn't know that Kingudamu Hātsu isfrom Japan."

"Whatever, we have money, let's go," Riku stated decidedly, as the wind blew through his hair, "now how do we get there?"

"I'm driving!" Yuffie exclaimed from a red convertible in the driveway.

"Sweet ride! Who's is it?" Riku said, hopping in.

"Probably Sora's even though he's not old enough to drive yet.. But who knows? We're in a fantasy world, baby!" Yuffie explained.

"Works for me," Riku said.

"For the record, I only like you for Sora's money."

"Whatever, I have fangirls wherever I go," Riku shrugged.

A/N: Haha yeah. I didn't make up the Squiffie thing Oo but I know it's a pairing so that's why that Chinese girl yelled that, so you'd all know I didn't make it up. Don't sue me! I'm weird! Possible Preview of Next Chapter: Egypt Chase


	6. Episode Six: To The Airport!

A/N: Yes, the previous chapter's preview was wrong OO Because I started writing this and then I was going to make it a longer chapter, but then some stuff happened and I decided to stop it early. Don't worry though, the next chapter is going to be something like "Egypt Chase." Without further ado I present to you--  
**Sakura: **I want to be in the author's note!  
**Mandy: **I don't do these things, and I don't even like you. There, you're in it, go away. Like I was saying. I present to you, Episode Five.

* * *

Episode Five: To The Airport!

Roxas thwacked Sora on the head, "Wake up, you lazy bum."

"Kairi!" he said, suddenly waking up.

"I'm not Kairi!" Roxas scoffed.

"Oh.. Are you Yuffie?"

"No! Yuffie ran off with Riku to Vegas!"

"Let us retrieve my love!" Sora said heroically.

"This isn't a Yura, so calm down," Roxas glared at him.

"Oh, right."

"And I don't want that crazy, Chinese girl attacking us again," Roxas said sadly, remembering his dear Lucky Charms.

"Let us retrieve my love, Riku!" Sora tried again.

There was an awkward silence before Roxas said, "Don't ever say that again."

"Yeah, you're right. Then let us retrieve my love... Uh..."

"How 'bout we retrieve your car? I heard them drive off with it five minutes ago," Roxas stated bluntly.

"Good idea. Love sucks anyway," Sora said.

"Shut up, this story isn't supposed to have a moral."

"Oh, right," Sora pondered for a minute or so, "Agh! My car!"

"You drive?" Roxas raised a brow.

"Duuuh. What do you think 'drive mode' really stands for?" Sora paused, "That was a rhetorical question. Now come on, follow me because I don't want to grab your hand and drag you along, or else people will think this is yaoi."

Roxas cringed.

"Don't cringe, or we'll be burned at the stake."

Roxas grinned.

"Don't grin, or I'll kill you."

Roxas rhymed.

"Who do you think you are? Eminem?" Sora glared at the blonde.

Roxas averted his glance downward and mumbled, "maybe."

Sora ran out into the driveway, "dude! Where's my car?"

"Dude!" Frodo said, "you're gonna get sued!"

"Heh, sued.. dude," a redheaded girl said, "it rhymes.. Like Eminem! I mean Roxas!"

"Get out of the fanfic!" Frodo said, smacking the author with a broom, "Is it my job to chase people out of here that don't belong?"

"Yes?" Sam said.

"So how are we getting my car back?" Sora asked.

"I'm driving!" Roxas said, already in his jet-black car that could be mistaken for the Batmobile, were it not for the checkered patterns on the side. He had also customized it with a Twilight Town license plate that said "R0X45" and various bumper stickers that said, "Made from a Heartless" and "Dual Wielder" and the sort.

"Bumper stickers are for n00bs," Frodo said, hopping into the back of the car with Sam (intended innuendo? Oo).

"Yes, but we all know that the term 'fr00b' came from you," Sora said as he got into the passenger's seat.

"How do you figure?"

"Frodo plus n00b equals fr00b. Duh," Sora said, fastening the seatbelt.

"Stop talking about RuneScape, Kingdom Hearts loser!" Mandy yelled into Sora's ear. He cringed as his ear drum broke and glared at her, about to strangle her. Frodo whacked her with a broom and she disappeared.

"Ready?" Roxas asked them, "Go!" He exclaimed in a video game-like manner. The Roxasmobile surged forward and everyone was pressed to the backs of their seats.

"Domo kotsu uru mamoru yo," Roxas sang as he drove.

"Teen Titans!" Sora joined in, "suki kidai nuku randemo taberu yo."

"Teen Titans!" Frodo and Sam shouted from the back.

"Shin kami dari kari oyai," they all sang together, "okuga san su ika shakai. Omae mo wa nari mounai, Teen Titans, GO!" They all threw their hands in the air at the last statement. Unfortunately, Roxas, who was driving, did this too. And at the speed they were going the velocity overtook the steering wheel and they drove into a brick wall.

"Where were we going?" Sora asked with an airbag in his face.

Roxas looked out the broken window and saw a sign that said, "Airport." He looked around, "we're here! Hold on, I gotta park."

He backed the Roxasmobile out of the wall and attempted to parallel park, "Ah, screw it," he said, driving over someone's car, "perfect."

Riku stepped out of the red convertible that Roxas car was parked behind. Luckily, it hadn't been run over, "Crap!"

"There he is! The larcener that stole my car!" Sora accused Riku.

Yuffie exited the car and yawned, "Are we here already. Heeey Sora! What are you guys doing--oh right. Run, Riku!" She pushed the silver-haired wonder towards the airport.

"But we don't have a flight!" Riku said as he ran for the airport.

"Yeah, we do. I always buy airline tickets in advance in case I have to escape two look-alike teenagers and two hobbits while pushing an arrogant anime character through a crowd."

Sora whipped out his keyblade, and Roxas got out both of his. Frodo and Sam drew their swords. Soon they were all rushing into the crowd but were stopped by rabid fangirls who started to spaz out.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" One of them yelled.

"It's Elijah Wood!" Shrieked another.

Frodo sighed, "They're always getting us confused."

"It's Sora, the keyblade wielder!"

"But there's Roxas! The dual-wielding unknown!"

"Let's maul them!"

The all screamed with delight and ran at the three (because no one cared about Sam). Sora had the same look as when he saw a heartless form of himself as the girls started to run towards them. Roxas' jaw dropped and Frodo already knew how to deal with this.

"Run!" Frodo said, pushing the two in the opposite direction of the girls, which was, unfortunately, away from the airport. A chase song in Japanese started playing.

Frodo ran down the street, followed by Sora and Roxas. Sam volunteered to buy the tickets since the rest of them were running from fangirls.

"If only Donald or Goofy were here so I could go into drive mode and fly," Sora reflected as he ran.

"Didn't you say that drive mode actually had to do with your car?" Roxas asked.

"Hey, you're right. I'll just summon my car," Sora used a summony thing and his car appeared beside him.

"Why didn't you do that before?" Roxas said to Sora, "We wouldn't have had to come here."

"Because I wanted to go to Egypt too!"

"But then we would have wrecked your car instead of mine!"

"Er.. Would you look at the time," Sora said nervously, "I'd love to chat more, but we have rabid fangirls coming after us, SO GET IN THE CAR!"

All three of them jumped in the car, and Sora turned it around and ran all of the fangirls over.. Poor fangirls.. Except the ones that got out of the way and kept chasing him.

"They're still on us like a fat kid on cake!" Frodo shouted, looking back.

"Hey, you know what," Sora said as he began to turn on the Kingdom Hearts Soundtrack.

"What?" Frodo and Roxas asked together.

"Frodo and Sam should really be Donald and Goofy.. because, I mean, they're the guys who really travel with me all of the time. It would make more sense than just having random Lord of the Rings characters."

"..." Roxas boldly stated.

"..." Frodo agreed.

"Donald and Goofy suck," Sam said.

"Where did you come from?" asked the voice of reason (okay so it was a fangirl that had snuck into their car).

"I should be asking ya the very same question," Sam replied.

"I asked first!" she said, and started strangling him.

"Well," Sora said between Hikari verses, "Sam does have a point. Why have Donald and Goofy when you can have Frodo and Sam?"

"Make that Frodo and a random fangirl," the girl said, now sitting in Sam's spot.

"What was Sam doing here anyway?" Roxas asked.

"Oh he paged me a little while ago," Sora said, "something about not being able to get the tickets. He must be a little stuck in the Middle Earth times, you know?"

"So who's the random fangirl?" Frodo said, looking at the girl who was grinning.

"We'll decide that next chapter," Sora said as he drove into the airport building.

* * *

A/N: So who wants to be the fangirl? Seriously, I don't know who I'm going to use for it O.o Gimme reviews and maybe I'll pick you. 


	7. Episode Seven: Egypt Chase

A/N: As the title states, this chapter contains chases. Yes, I said "chases." Not one chase, but many. So I'm sorry if you don't like chase scenes, but it has some randomness added in. It's a nice effect to have Hikari playing too. I don't own anything in this chapter and there have been two, yes TWO fangirls introduced. Without further ado, I present to you, Asorable.

* * *

Episode Seven: Egypt Chase

The sound of shattering glass resounded throughout the building. Sora put the car in park. "Okay, we're here!" He flashed a grin at everyone in the car. The car was parked right in front of the desk where people could order tickets. Everyone eyed the spiky-haired boy strangely as he strode up to the desk.

"Raise your hand if you're not here!" Roxas said to the group.

A random Chinese girl raised her hand. Sora threw one of his big shoes at her head as she screamed, "this is why I don't like his shoes!"

"Four tickets to Vegas, please," Sora said to the person at the counter.

The fangirlwalked up to the desk, "Sora, she said Egypt, not Vegas."

"How would you know that? Were you there?" he glared at the brunette fangirl.

"Well you were knocked out, so I don't even see how you would know anything anyway," she argued, "besides, I was reading this fanfic before I chased you last episode, so I think I know what I'm doing."

"Fine," Sora rolled his eyes, "four tickets to Egypt."

"I'm sorry that flight is sold out," the woman behind the desk said.

"Well when's the next flight?" he asked.

"Fifteen years from now."

"What!" Sora's jaw dropped and hit the ground, "Who bought all the tickets?"

"A sixteen year old ninja," the woman replied, "Yuffie Kisaragi."

"She bought ALL of the tickets for the next fifteen years?"

The woman nodded.

"Well now how are we supposed to get to Egypt?"

"I'm driving!" the fangirl shouted from a kangaroo.

"That's a kangaroo," Roxas said dully.

"It's not just any kangaroo!" she replied, "it's a um.."

"Who cares? Just drive!" Sora said running out of the airport.

"Huh? Why?" Roxas looked around.

"WE LOVE YOU SORA!"

Roxas turned around.

"Oh em gee! It's Roxas! Get him!"

"On my way!" Roxas said as he started to run. Frodo followed suit.

Sora, Roxas, and Frodo jumped onto the kangaroo.

"Giddy up!" the brown-haired fangirl said cheerfully to the kangaroo. On command, it bounced up over the airport and towards the plane that said "Egypt Express." The plane was starting to take off.

"Hurry!" Frodo said, leaning forward.

"We'll have to jump!" Sora said, as he took off, wearing only one shoe. He felt like he was flying, "woo hoo! I'm Spiderman!" He latched onto the door, and his other shoe soon fell off. It hit the kangaroo in the head.

"Oh noes!" Roxas said, "Jump now!" The rest of them jumped off and grabbed onto Sora's unshoed foot. He opened the door and flung everyone in before going in himself and closing the door.

"Excuse me, sir," someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"We paid for the tickets I swear!" he said.

"But I believe you're missing your shoes," the flight attendant said, "allow me to put slippers on them."

"Eh-what?" Sora raised a brow.

"First time in first class?" the attendant asked.

"It's _his _first time," Roxas said as he escorted Sora to a seat, "I'd like a mocha latte though."

"Of course, sir," the attendant bowed and left.

"We're in first class?" the fangirl whispered.

"Better than nothing," Frodo shrugged.

"Better than anything!" Sora said as he propped his now-slippered feet up.

The party found seats and soon were enjoying the perks of first class.

"I wonder where Riku and Yuffie are," Sora wondered aloud.

"So what's your name anyway?" Roxas asked the fangirl.

"Oh, me? I'm Liz."

"We're going to have to animefy you after we get off the plane."

Frodo decided that he would investigate to see if Riku and Yuffie were on the plane. He snuck into the back of the plane where non-first class people were. Sure enough, Riku and Yuffie were sitting in the back discussing gummies. Not the gummi ship kind.

"No, no, no," Riku waved his hands at Yuffie, "you've got it all wrong."

"I'm telling you," Yuffie argued, "Life Saver gummies are better than gummy worms. It's the law of life."

"How can you even say that?" Riku protested.

Yuffie looked up and saw Frodo, "Oh! Hey Frodo--oops."

"Run for it, Yuffie!" Riku said as he pushed Yuffie out of her chair.

"You saw nothing!" she yelled and threw a banana at Frodo's head. He passed out immediately.

"Nice shot, Yuffie," a punkish-girl grinned at the ninja from across the aisle.

"Thanks, Mandy," Yuffie said to her.

"PMG! Author insert!" a random kid screamed at the girl.

"I told you not to do that!" that random Chinese girl said to a redhead sitting in front of her, before smacking her in the head.

"Ow," the redhead glared at her, "I'm not supposed to be here."

"Darn right you're not!"

"I didn't do an author insert! .. Except for right now because you hit me on the head! YOU MADE ME DO IT!"

"Then who's that Mandy chick?" the Chinese girl glared at the author.

"She's the person sitting right behind you, and her name is Mandy Des," the author narrowed her eyes.

"Don't gimme that crap! I know it's you!"

"It's DestinyDance, you moron."

"Uh.. yeah.. I totally knew that," the Chinese girl shrank back into her seat, and the author proceeded to write the story in her non-first class seat.

"Right," Mandy, who is not the author, said, "now where were we?"

In first class...

"What happened to Frodo?" Liz bounced up and down in her seat, "gimme some cookies!"

Roxas raised a brow, seeming to be the only sane person on the flight. Sora looked over at Liz with a crazed look in his eyes then jumped on her.

"I know you have the cookies!" Sora yelled.

"That's quite enough!" Roxas yelled at them both. Suddenly there was a large piece of cardboard on Roxas' face that said 'Looking for true love?'

"Aaaah! A pop-up! Get if off!" he shrieked.

"Hold still!" Sora jumped up and whacked Roxas on the face with his keyblade.

Not In First class...

"Did you hear something?" Mandy said to Riku.

"Sounded like a pop-up attack," Riku replied.

"I'm going in," she whipped out a few guns and twirled them on her fingers, then did a Resident Evil pose, along with sunglasses and a long braid.

Back in First Class...

"Won't someone save me?" Roxas said as the popup began to devour his face.

"Did someone say 'hero'?" Mandy burst into the first class area.

"Uh, no," Roxas pointed out, "Actually I said--"

Mandy fired a gunshot at him and the popup exploded.

"Wow, thanks. You saved my non-existent life!"

"Eh, it's my job."

"Who are you?" Sora glared at Mandy, pointing a trembling finger like an old witch.

"I'm Mandy, and--"

"Copyright infringement!" he screeched at her.

"Since when is--"

"I don't want to hear another word from your accursed mouth!"

"Shut your face, keyblade loser!" Mandy yelled at the spiky-haired brunette before shooting him in the head.

"Nooooo! What have you done?" Kairi suddenly jumped out of a seat. Surprising that no one had noticed her before, eh? No, I'm not Canadian, "I'm going to kill you!"

"Copyright infringement!" Frodo yelled, attempting to stop Kairi from killing Mandy.

"Ah, right. Well, I suppose I'm in the story now.. And Roxas is all mine! Muwahahaha," Kairi grabbed Roxas hand and jumped out of the airplane. (Roxiri or Kaixas?) Kairi pulled a parachute cord as they floated down into Egypt.

"I guess I shouldn't have killed the guy I'm a fan of," Mandy said, leaning over Sora, "good thing I always carry a phoenix down."

"No! Use an angel's prayer.. They're cooler," Frodo suggested.

"I'll use both!" Mandy cried happily and threw the magicky prayer thing in the air. It surrounded Sora. Then she dropped the down on his head.

"w00t! I'm alive!" Sora jumped up and started to do an Irish jig, "what did I miss?"

"Your true love was here," Frodo said.

"Riku?"

"Baka," the Chinese girl slapped him on the head.

"Ow. Okay, okay. I was only kidding," Sora rubbed the bump on his head, "Seriously, who was it? Naminé? Selphie? Dare I say Ansem?"

"Kairi!" everyone in the plane shouted at him, before realizing who he actually was.

"Look everyone!"

"It's Sora!"

"Oh my gaaaaawd!"

"Get him!"

"Uh oh," Sora's eyes widened, "okay time to fly, I mean jump. I hope you all of parachutes, let's go!" Sora pushed open the door and jumped out, followed by Frodo, Mandy, the Chinese girl, Liz, and a bunch of fangirls.

Sora pulled the cord on his parachute, which would have been fine were it not for the twenty fangirls that piled onto the parachute. He unstrapped himself from the parachute.

"Drive mode!" he shouted as his car appeared beside him, "quick! Get in!" Sora got into the driver's seat as Frodo, Liz, Mandy, and the Chinese girl got in. He pressed a button and a parachute deployed, letting the car float safely down towards the sandy, Egyptian ground. "Great. I get rid of those fangirls," he said as they fell past him, "and I still have three in the back car."

"Correction!" the Chinese girl said to him, "two. I'm not a crazy fangirl unless it's.."

The car landed on the ground. Vincent Valentine came out of a shop licking a lollipop. He glanced at the car, then disregarded it. He paused for a moment then looked back at the Chinese girl. His hand slowly dropped from face, and he still gripped the lollipop, "Oh no."

"Vinnie!" she shrieked and jumped out of the car.

"Kuso!" he dropped the lollipop and began to sprint in the other direction.

"You can't run from me! I've been training for this moment my whole life!" the Chinese girl began to chase him relentlessly.

Sora thought back to the fangirls. "You know. I'm gonna get charged for genocide sooner or later about those girls."

"Homicide," Frodo corrected.

"No, no. Genocide. They're not random. If they weren't after me all of the time and I just straight up killed them, I'd be targeting a group of people. Fangirls are people, too, believe it or not."

"Oh, you're right."

"Think they'll be okay?"

"I'm sure they're fine."

Mandy jumped up and clung onto Sora's spiky hair, "agh! No! It's the Teletubbies!"

"Where?" Sora whipped out his keyblade.

"There!" Mandy thrust her hand forward, obscuring Sora's face with a striped-sleeve.

"Oh my gosh! The Terrible Striped Teletubbie!" Sora shrieked as he began to run in circles.

"Where?" Mandy leapt from his head and started to look around before spotting one, "thar she blows!"

"Oh, no," Sora said, glaring at one, "you're not imposing your 'latent' homosexuality on me--us!" Sora took out a pistol. "This ends.. Now!"

"Why don't you just use your keyblade? Roxas asked dully.

"Why don't you just use yours?" Sora mocked, still pointing the gun at the Teletubbie who was wearing a skirt.

"Maybe I will," Roxas snapped back, bobbing his head in disrespect. He stomped over to the Teletubbies and took a swipe with his keyblade, making them all disappear in an instant. He turned back to Sora, folded his arms, and smirked.

"Psh! I can kill a Teletubbie, too!"

"But you didn't.."

"Yeah.. Well, I will now!"

"There aren't any left."

"Aren't you forgetting one?"

"Huh?"

Sora smacked Roxas on the head with his keyblade. Roxas fell to the ground unconscious. "Bwahahahaha."

"Oh noes! Roxas!" Kairi began to sob, "now who is supposed to be my boyfriend?"

Sora cleared his throat. There was a silence.

"Sora!" Kairi exclaimed.

"I'd love to!"

"You will?"

"Sure, Kairi."

"Great! You're awesome! Come help me go boy hunting then!"

"Wait--what?"

"Come on! Let's go," she grabbed Sora's hand and dragged him to the mall.

"Help!" he yelled, trying to pry himself from the auburn-haired girl. He twisted and turned, but it was no use. Sora was going boy hunting whether he liked it or not.

"Great! Now who am I suppose to be a fangirl of?" Mandy frowned and sat on a conveniently placed rock.

Liz glanced at the pink-and-black-haired girl. There was a pause. "Let's go find Riku! He's hawt!"

"Okay!" Mandy jumped up from her rock.

Meanwhile...

Riku pulled on a pair of sunglasses. The dark shades covering his evident, aqua eyes that identified him. Yuffie pulled a ski mask over her head, "I'm a robber," came the muffled voice, "arrr."

Riku groaned. "Can you please take this seriously?"

"I am," she replied and put an eye patch over one of the eyeholes. "Now I'm a pirate robber."

"They're practically the same thing..." Riku approached the counter. "I'd like to purchase this overcoat and these sunglasses please."

"Okay, that will be (censored or else I'll get sued). Thanks and come again," the cashier replied.

"There he is!" Mandy shouted and glomped Riku.

"No!" He yelled in defeat as he stumbled around with the punk-girl on top of him.

Yuffie hid behind the counter. Mandy covered Riku's eyes, "guess who?"

"Another rabid fangirl! Run, Yuffie!"

"Yuffie?" the Chinese girl popped out of a pile of Vincent Valentine plushies.

"Run, Riku!" Yuffie jumped over the counter and sprinted out of the store, followed by Riku who still had Mandy on top of him.

"I've got him by the collar!" Mandy said triumphantly.

Vincent had been hiding in the pile of life-sized plushies that the Chinese girl was too stupid to look in. He stepped cautiously out, thinking she'd run after Riku. But, alas, he was wrong. She had quickly followed Yuffie behind the counter, then spotted Vincent again.

"Vince!" she shouted with glee and ran towards him. He panicked and ran out of the store, only to run into a group of fangirls.

"NO!" He turned on his heel and ran in the other direction, hoping they'd go after Riku instead. Riku was running for his life as well, but at least Vincent didn't have some weird girl clinging to his head.

Kairi dragged Sora down the staircase of the mall. "I thought I saw this really cute guy with long, black hair run in here. He had a claw, too," Kairi said to Sora. "Oh! There he is!" She pointed to a man running away from a crowd of girls, his long red cape flowing behind him. "Oh, let's go meet him, Sora!" Before Kairi could take another step, a group of fanboys stopped her.

"I found her! I told you Kairi was in this mall!"

"Uh oh.." she murmured. Sora was too busy wallowing in self-pity to realize this. Kairi dropped her bags and pushed Sora in the opposite direction. "Run!"

"Huh--aah!" he followed suit as Hikari began to play in the background.

Vincent pushed the doors of the mall open and fled into the open air, only to be confronted again, he ran around towards the back of the mall. He dodged past people eating in the food court, gathering more girls, and even some boys, along the way. He ran up a flight of stairs.

Kairi ran towards the back of the mall, nearly falling down some stairs along the way. Sora was keeping pace with her, making sure she didn't kill herself. She ran towards the food court and tried to claw her way up the stairs. Boys were shouting her name everywhere as Sora warded some of them off with his keyblade. One of them pushed him over, and he fell of the staircase.

"Sora!" Kairi called to him, but had to continue running.

Riku ran towards the front of the mall, taking a sharp turn to ascend a staircase. He panted as he pushed past people everywhere, trying not to make a scene. He ran into a store one way, and out another, hoping to lose the girls, but only gained more. He gasped for breath as he continued on.

Vincent jumped over the railing on the second floor of the mall, with many girls following, and many surviving the jump. Yuffie succeeded in pushing all of the others out of the way for him. He made a U-turn up the staircase in the middle of the mall.

Kairi tumbled to the ground, but soon recovered, running towards the middle of the second floor. Riku was sprinting now, hoping to lose the girls on the next staircase. Vincent ran up the staircase, still being pursuit by girls. Everything was in slow motion as fans of all sorts ran after the famous characters. At the same second, they all turned their heads to the groups behind them and SMACK!

Vincent, Kairi, and Riku fell backwards, stunned. They shook their heads, now on the ground and looked at each other, then the groups following them.

Sasuke walked out of the Hot Topic conveniently placed at the collision area. He looked around calmly, holding a bag in his hand. Simultaneously, about one hundred girls shrieked, "Sasuke!" and sighed dreamily.

"Hey!" a random boy that had been chasing Kairi said, "Carolyne what are you doing?"

One of the fangirls stopped looking at Sasuke and turned to the boy, who was her boyfriend, "well he's hot, duh." She looked towards the girls, "get him!"

"No animated character is gonna steal my girl! Get him!" the boy said. At the command, all three group went rampaging towards Sasuke, who gained a panicked look on his face. Vincent, Kairi, and Riku took this to their advantage and dodged into the Hot Topic.

* * *

A/N: I suppose they forgot that they were after Yuffie and Riku. Oh well. Preview of next chapter: Theme Song. Hope you liked this one!


	8. Episode Eight: Theme Song

A/N: I'm sorry if it's boring. I was going to add a themesong for kicks and then I thought they might need some explanation. Remember their goth outfits or perish.. for they will wear them.

* * *

Episode Eight: Theme Song

Kairi was the first to walk out of Hot Topic. She was wearing a lacy, pink skirt with a black bow tied in the back. Black ribbons, belts, and loose-hanging suspenders adorned the rest of the skirt, clashing prep and a darker look. She wore a Jack Skellington hoodie with pink, mesh sleeves. She twirled, showing off her new look, along with the cliché, dark eyeliner.

"A goth store, and Kairi still manages to find something pink," Riku said, stepping out of the store next. Simply put, he was wearing baggy, black pants with multitudes of zippers, chains, loose-hanging suspenders, belts, and the like. He had a grey vest over a black shirt sporting an almost pirate-like skull.

Vincent stepped out next, looking exactly the same.

"Where's your goth outfit?" Sora said, suddenly walking by.

"I'm wearing it. Where's yours?"

Sora's face turned a light shade of pink from slight embarrassment. He ripped off one of his outfits (luckily, he had one underneath, unlike Riku in a previous episode). This revealed his Halloween Town attire. He removed the pumpkin on his head to attain a more casual look.

"Sweet," Mandy drooled. She had been thrown off of Riku's head earlier, and she had finally caught up to them, along with Liz and a few others of the posse.

"You know," Sora started, "this show--or fic, or whatever--is starting to lose its total randomness and complete chaos. Are we starting to become more structured?"

"Wouldn't count on it," Liz chimed in, happily.

"Well, whatever. If we want to seem official--and not seem like complete idiots at all times--we should come up with a theme song. Even Family Guy has one, and that show is seriously messed up sometimes," Sora mused aloud.

"Don't diss Family Guy," Vincent said, his arms folded.

"Maybe we should get out of the mall before we try anything else," Mandy said.

"Where did you come from?" Kairi asked.

"Hot Topic.. Where else?"

"Quick! Let's go before the fangirls get sick of Sasuke!" Riku said, pulling the group along to safety. He led them into the nearest Salvation Army.

"Eeeewwww," Kairi groaned, cringing.

"Trust me, no one is going to come in here and know who we are."

"That doesn't mean you're not hot."

Riku gave Kairi an annoyed look.

"So about this theme song," Sora started, "what's a huge impact on our daily lives that we should probably include?"

"Well--" Riku was about to say, but was interrupted by the sound of doors banging open and the screams of girls.

"There they are!"

"Ah! Fangirls!" Riku yelled, jumping up, and poised to run.

"That's a good point!" Sora said, as he wrote it down.

"Run.. again!" Yuffie yelled.

"Did we bring her with us?" Sora raised a brow.

"Apparently you did," Vincent replied blandly.

Roxas pushed through the crowd of girls. "Get out of my way, you stupid fangirls."

"Heeeey Roxas, where have you been?" Sora grinned at him.

"I am going to kill you!" Roxas charged at Sora, while pulling out his two keyblades.

"Oh crap."

And those were the last two words Sora said before he was killed... Well not really. Roxas actually missed.

"Uh, yeah. Dude, I'm over here," Sora said, waving to him. "No wonder you couldn't hit Diz."

"I give up. Let me helpwrite the theme song."

"Okay," Riku said, holding a clipboard, "so far we have fangirls."

"Well, whenever Sora tries to sing, it ends up coming out like crap.. Well, it's in another language."

"That's perfect!" Riku said, jotting it down.

"Hey! It's not my fault I'm a linguistic nightmare!"

"How come fangirls always chase you?" Riku frowned. "They should be chasing me."

Yuffie took down the notes in the background. She was putting together the lyrics as they talked.

"Well," Vincent said, "do you want to end up killed?"

"That's what Sasuke's for," Riku replied.

"So shouldn't we name some of the people in the crew?" Yuffie asked.

"Yes, but we're not including you," Sora replied simply.

"WHY NOT!"

"Um, because it wouldn't fit in with the rapping part I made with our names. Sora, Roxas, Riku, Vince. Kairi, Liz, Destiny, and Prince."

"Lots of other people too," Roxas chanted, "but I don't have time to tell 'em to you!"

"Holy crap, that's gold," Yuffie exclaimed, writing it down. "Okay, Sora. Sing this," Yuffie said, tossing the notebook to Sora.

Liz mumbled something about Prince not being in the fic, but everyone ignored her.

"How come you get to sing?" Kairi whined.

"Stop being a bitch, no one was talking to you," Sora growled, scanning the notebook.

"You sound just like -censored-!" Kairi screamed at him.

"Oh no! They stole the word again!" Roxas shrieked.

"Nobody likes you Kairi! We just put you in the game because we needed some reason to go save the world!" Sora continued.

"If nobody likes me then why do all you guys chase me?"

"Because..." Sora paused, "you know what? Shut up," he pouted in defeat.

"Just sing the frigging song already!" Yuffie smacked him with the notebook.

"Okay, okay."

The scene changed to a stage with people shouting Sora's name. Cloud was on drums and Demyx was on guitar. Kairi was pouting in a corner with Riku comforting her. The lights dimmed and then suddenly flashed onto Sora who was wearing his spiffy Final Form outfit.

"Thank you!" he yelled to the fans and then whispered to Yuffie, "where are we?"

"We're back at Destiny Islands."

"Helloooo Destiny Islands!" Sora screamed into the microphone, "are you ready to rock!"

"Rock! Rock! Rock!" They chanted.

"Hit it!" Sora yelled to the band and pulled out a piece of paper. He began to sing in a teen-sensation, pop voice. Similar to that of Chip Skylark.

"Fangirls always chase me,

Even though I'm a linguistic nightmare.

Somehow

They gotta see

That Riku is where they should direct their stare.

When we

Get in a pickle,

Sasuke's there even though he's fickle.

We've got

A really huge crew,

So if I said their names my mind would go ASKEW!

Sora, Roxas, Riku, Vince,

Kairi, Liz, Destiny, and Prince--"

Kairi slid onto the stage, interrupting Sora's debut. She didn't care what he said, she was going to make an appearance.. In rapper attire.

"Aleatoriamente cómico with a caso casuale on the side. I don't care what Sora says because er ist ein Ruck irgendwie! But we all love him because he's adorable."

"But it's not Adorable," Sora joined in, "it's Asorable."

The scene cleared and they were back in Salvation Army.

"That was like.. reeeeeally boring," Vincent said, grimacing. "Tell the author she needs to get better ideas. Like Roxas being evil or something."

"Shut up!" a girl shouted from off-scene as Vincent was hit in the head with an English essay. A very, heavy English essay.

"I think we need a cover picture now," Riku decided.

"But first we need something interesting to happen in the chapter," Yuffie suggested.

"No we don't."

"Yes we do."

"No we don't."

"Yes we do."

"Look," Riku said as he pointed in a random direction, "an idiot!"

"Where?" Yuffie looked all around before everyone ran off on her, concluding another episode of Asorable.


	9. Episode Nine: Coliseum Visit

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I've been pretty busy with some school crap. I was working on a mini-show called "Identity Crisis," but I didn't want to let out too many KH2 spoilers. So, cue the theme song, and without futher ado, I present to you... Asorable!

* * *

Episode Nine: Coliseum Visit 

"But Moooom! I don't want to go to the Coliseum!" Sora exclaimed as his mother dragged him into the gummi ship. "You're not even supposed to know it exists! And you sound drunk!"

"Sora, you shouldn't doubt your mother," the brunette said to her son.

"But what about my friends?"

"This ismother-daughter time now," she replied, buckling a seat belt around him.

"But I'm a guy!" Sora said, trying to get the seat belt off.

"... But I wanted a daughter!" his mother frowned. "Why do you think I gave you a girl's name?"

"Uh.."

"See you in the funny papers, Sora!" Riku yelled from his own gummi ship as it flew by Sora and his mother. Riku's ship had all of the fangirls, to the Chinese girl's dissent. He laughed and zoomed off to the coliseum.

Axel drove by with all of the Organization.. who were pretty much dead, but they were alive because I felt like it. Their gummi ship was all black (duh). Marluxia was arguing with Axel at the controls, "come on! Let me drive! I was like the leader back in Chain of Memories!"

"No!" Axel yanked the wheel away from Marluxia. "I have one of the lead roles in KH2! So back off! I lived longer than you!"

"I don't care! I have a scythe!"

"So who do you think you are? The grim reaper?"

"... Maybe."

Vincent drove another gummi ship by, which had most of the Final Fantasy characters in it. They said nothing.. except Yuffie, who always says something.

Sora groaned and fidgeted in his seat as the ship began to lift off. "You don't even know how to drive!" Sora shouted to his mother in the captain's seat. "You can't even ride a bike yet!"

"Sora, I raised you. And you saved the universe!" she replied happily.

"Yeah, but.."

"We'll be fine," his mother said as they crashed into a cluster of palm trees.

"Right," Sora groaned as they began to take off.

A few hours later, because Sora's mom got lost, they crashed into the coliseum.

"It's about time you got here," Riku said, wearing a leopard-print coat, a purple hat, and some sunglasses. A bunch of fangirls were standing around him.

Axel walked by while carrying a sea-salt ice cream thing from Twilight Town. "Psh, are you trying to be a pimp?" Axel asked Riku with a disgusted air.

"Um.." Riku pulled his shades off," ... maybe."

"Dude, you totally suck."

"Yeah, leopard-print isn't your style," Sora said.

Riku's mother stepped out of Sora's ship, "Riku Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is!"

Riku's eyes widened, "uh oh." He threw his pimp outfit at Axel, who fell down.

"Don't try to pin this whole rap on me!" the spikey red-head yelled from underneath the leopard-print coat.

"Hey, Axel," Roxas asked questioningly, "how old are you?"

"Technically, I'm supposed to be dead, and you're not supposed to exist. So I don't really know."

"You shouldn't say things like that," Roxas replied, starting to sound sympathetic. Axel smiled in his sweet, little-kid-like posture. "You shouldn't say things like that. People don't like it when you give spoilers to the game."

"I thought you were gonna say something nice!" Axel snapped.

"I'm just being considerate of the fans! We all know that Aerith dies too!"

"Oh my god, no she doesn't!" Axel leaped up from his position underneath Riku's pimp attire and slapped a gloved hand over Roxas' mouth.

"Up yours! You're not my real brother!" Roxas ripped his hand off and ran into the coliseum.

"Someone needs a nap," Roxas' mom said in a baby-voice.

"What the?" Sora raised a brow at the blonde woman. "Where did you come from!"

"Well... I can't really tell you that because of what Roxas just said about spoilers. You know, I taught him about that."

"Sora," Sora's mother grinned at her son, "have you ever played the game 'Realm of Soul'?"

"Uh, no. What's that?" he said.

"Oh my gosh!" Roxas' mother squealed, "I can't believe you've never told him about our game!"

"Haha," Roxas teased, coming out from behind a pillar. "You're stupid."

Sora began to cry as his mother consoled him. "Don't worry, Sora. When I was your age, Roxas' mom picked on me all of the time too."

"Yeah. Well it's not my fault she was ugly and stupid. That's why she became an alcoholic," Roxas' mom inquired.

Sora's mother rolled up her sleeve, about to fight. "You see? It's all part of the circle of life," she said in a sing-song voice. Then a bunch of lions came on the screen and started to sing.

"Tell me about the game!" Sora whined.

"Oh right. You see. When I was your age..." Sora's mother began.

"Nooooooo!" Sora covered his ears, "not a corny flashback!"

"Yes, a corny flashback!" Roxas' mother snapped.

"I'll just tell you in a nutshell," Roxas said, coming out from behind the pillar, "to save all of us... Not because I like you."

"Fine.." Sora groaned.

"Realm of Soul is a game like Kingdom Hearts and our mothers had roles just like ours and your mother saved the world and mine ran around doing stuff. And your mother had to go and save her friends and one of them turned evil." Roxas coughed, although it sounded like he said "Riku's mom" in the middle of it. "But then she wasn't evil anymore... so..."

"Does that mean my mom married Kairi's dad?" Sora's eye grew wide.

"Well.. uh... no. But somehow in the process.. Kairi was adopted."

"Nooooooo!" Kairi began to sob.

"Okay, that's enough angst for one episode!" Marluxia said.

"Agh! What the hell?" Sora jumped into Kairi's arms out of fear. Thus, Kairi fell over.

"You!" Marluxia pointed his scythe at Kairi, "you bitch! You ruined my life!"

"Psh.." Kairi attempted to push Sora off of her. "You don't even have a life to ruin!"

"Oh no you did not!"

"Oh yes I did."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Hades appeared in a burst of blue flame... Catching Sora's nifty KH2 outfit on fire. Thus, Sora obtained the wisdom form... But it went away in .769858601 seconds so no one would freak out over spoilers.

"Everyone knows we're in our KH2 outfits, right?" Kairi suddenly said, as Marluxia tried to bitch-slap her.

"I guess they do now.." Sora shrugged, "I love you."

"What?"

"I said.. I love... pie!" Sora grinned nervously.

"Oh my gosh!" Kairi bounced up and down, "me too!"

"Get to the frigging point!" Roxas smacked Sora on the head.

"Oh right.." Sora put his hands behind his head, "thisepisode doesn't have a point."

"Oh, that's lovely," Roxas rolled his eyes. "There better be a resolution nextepisode because it's supposed to be the last one."

"Roxas!" Roxas' mom slapped him on the head, "what did I tell you about spoilers?"

"Ow!" Roxas rubbed his head. "Well there's going to be a sequel!"

"Baka!" his mother smacked his head again.

"Okay, okay! Just end the flipping episode already!" Roxas said as the screen faded to black and credits began to appear, along with a disclaimer stating that Mandy Smirkke does not own Kingdom Hearts or just about anything else she mentions.


	10. Episode Ten: We have Pie

A/N: Yes, this is the last chapter, but fear not.. If you have me on alert then you'll know when the sequel that you're not supposed to know about comes out. Sorry for the shortness, but, heh... Well... I got lazy. Bwahahahaha. Cue the theme song!

* * *

Episode Ten: We Have... Pie... 

"Well, I'm glad we're home.." Sora said, collapsing onto a seemingly, randomly placed couch.

"You've fallen for my trap!" Marluxia sprung out from the ground in a fury of black, Organization blackness.

"Huh?" Sora disappeared.

"Oh noes!" Kairi cried.

Marluxia approached Roxas, "Roxas. Join us! In the sequel, you can be a goth with us!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Roxas covered his ears.

"We wear all black!" Zexion replied sharply. "Duh. Of course we're goths. How could you not know that, you skater-pretty boy?"

"La-la-la! I'm not listening!"

"Roxas!" Axel boomed, "join us on the darkside! We have..."

"Cookies?" Roxas began to pay attention.

"No!"

"Aw man."

"Pie!"

"No!" Kairi fell to the ground to be dramatic, "but.."

The Organization stared at her.. As well as Roxas. But not Sora.. But his mom did.. And so did Roxas mom... and..

"Shut up, already!" the Chinese girl yelled, smacking the author, who was narrating in the background, "just get on with the story!"

Right.. my bad...

Kairi looked as if she were about to cry, "but... but.. Sora.. loves.. pie!" Dramatic soap-opera music began to play in the background.

"Will someone turn that crap off?" Tifa yelled all the way from Traverse Town... Wait.. where are we anyway? The narrator looked to the alley where someone was telling her where they were. Oh.. right... The world that--I mean... Deep Dive City.

"Shouldn't it be raining? And shouldn't I be wearing a blindfold?" Riku asked.

Roxas pulled out a piñata and blind-folded Riku. Riku was then spun around five times and given a bat.. which was a bad idea.

"Ow!" Marluxia shrieked, hopping on one foot, "that was my shin! Sohow about it Roxas? Will you join the darkside and receive pie? Or will the light swallow you whole?"

"Aren't I supposed to be a good guy because of my blonde hair?"

"No.. Bad guys are always hot blondes," a pink-haired anime girl wearing sun-glasses said, walking out of the alley.

"Kiyoshi!" someone yelled, "you're not supposed to show up yet!"

"Haha... my bad..." the anime girl grinned and ran away.

"Well.. I guess she's right," Roxas itched the back of his neck. "What the heck? I'll join you."

"Wait!" Olette, the brunette girl from Twilight Town ran into the scene.

"Whaaaat?" Roxas asked annoyedly (I can't believe that's not a word!).

"We have to reach thirteen thousand words before we can end the story!"

"Oh my god. You mean I have to be stuck with you longer?"

Hayner ran into the scene. "Roxas! ... Um... The author took my line out so now I have nothing to say."

"It didn't contain shounen-ai did it?" Roxas raised a brow.

"Oh hell no."

"Okay thank goodness."

"Thank Darkness!" Marluxia yelled.

Sora walked out of the ground, "sorry. I left my keyblade up here.. I had to come back and get it."

"Sora don't go!" Kairi threw herself around Sora in an embrace.

"Uh.. what?"

"They have..." Kairi's eyes shifted around, ".. pie."

"But Kairi... I.."

"You love pie!"

"No I don't.."

"That's what you told me!"

"No I said I love yo...rkshire mints!"

"Oh."

"Stop the madness!" Roxas cut in, "filler sucks! And we all know it! End the show already!"

"You have 24 hours," Saix said as he snapped his fingers and disappeared, leaving a bunch of heartless and nobodies for everyone to fight until the next season. YES IT'S THE END!


End file.
